oh, we dreamed a life

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 06:29:28 GMT

fuck it. i don't want anything for christmas except for a baritone to play pretty songs on.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 19:08:42 GMT

so ryan and I are terrible at chrismas and gave each other our presents early lol.
I got him "I Am King" by Sean John (lmao) and he got me a 10.1mp Sony CyberShot in red. her name is Rosie.

Between the Trees will be here the 19th. even though I just saw them, I'd looove to again.
one month until I start Paul Mitchell; i'm so so so excited. <3
and City and Colour is on the 11th of January, ahhhhhh!

luckiest day.

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 06:52:24 GMT

luckiest day ever.
my coochie piercing didn't close. so i put it back in, and with my new navel piercing + tattoo, i want to be naked 24/7.

in other news, seeing how i don't ever update this...
i'm beyond excited for paul mitchell; i seriously can't wait.
also, i got a new job at Ann Taylor LOFT, ( ~*classy*~ ) but i'm not getting enough hours at all.
ryan and i are above and beyond wonderful/perfect/incredible/lovely/happy. it's greaaaaaat.
oh, ps, i realized that most of my fears getting out of high school completely came true. i barely talk to any of my old friends except for sean and arielle. it's weird as fuck. i miss sammy and anja and jackie and blah blah blah. jackie and i talk every now and then, and we've chilled a few times. i miss that girl. a lot.
i'm looking forward to the holiday season. despite the fact that i'm shit broke, i can't wait. everyone's always in such a good mood and it's an amazing change. i don't know what to get anyone whatsoever, baaaaaah.

end.

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 05:05:32 GMT

i feel so weird about this.

so basically, i've been looking into different beauty schools in central florida. i figured if i truly want to be happy as i become an adult, i should do what i'm passionate about, and that's cosmetology/skincare. so today my mom suggested we go to paul mitchell just to see what they're all about. aaaand so i completely fell in love with it. i'm starting January 12 in their cosmetology program and i'm so incredibly excited <3.
the only thing i'm weirded out about, is the fact that i wouldn't be going to valencia. ...or college. my mom and dad keep reminding me, although college is stressed to be so important, what i love doesn't require it. but it just feels weird. because i'm not a bad student, and i feel like it's the lazy, dumb people who don't bother going to college. in fact, i have straight A's right now. like i know i'm smart. but it's not what i need. i just don't want to be that girl who tries to follow her dreams and doesn't make it and gets behind in life.
but i dunno. i'm going to do what i love the best in the best of my ability in beauty school, and we'll see where life takes me i guess.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 05:49:17 GMT

مرئاتي، يا مرئاتي

قولليلي انا من؟

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 04:40:30 GMT

ummm, liking life.
ryan's the best, basically.
missing some friends.

i dunno.

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:01:42 GMT

i kinda wish i was brave enough to go far away for college.

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 14:22:36 GMT

my aunts zoya and rola came down for the week from cali. missed them.

so yeahhh, real life started.
basically, i don't have a job right now because it was taken over by some crazy lady who misses work like everyday. it bothers me cause i've worked there for 2 and a half years, yet i can be replaced that easily. aaaand that basically sucks, because i NEED a job. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

college started and it's whatever. my sociology class is going to be an easy A, same with humanities. comp 1, unfortunately not so much with my teacher... and french i dunno.

can't explain how great ryan and i are doing, he's the best boyfriend i could ever ask for <333. always treats me with such respect and is such a gentleman. my parents really like him. we both agreed that we feel like this is gonna be a longterm thing, and i'm so excited <3.

i've been sick. i had a sore throat, then woke up with pink eye.... noooot cool. after my pink eye went away and my sore throat died down, i woke up to see my other fucking eye have it, and my throat become even worse than what it was, plus crazy sinus. i feel really weak, i hate it.

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 05:21:08 GMT

basically, i miss my friends who went away to college. i know sammy and sean are like half an hour away... but i neeeeverrr see them anymore and it's sad :(. and anja's gone to uwf and ughsodfjsf. i just feel like i should be there with them.

ryan alday is amazing as hell and i'm finally comprehending everything/adapting to being treated so ridiculously well. he's my best friend, i love it.

college starts monday. i'm taking sociology, english, french and humanities. joyous.

idk.
everything's changinggggg too fast

luck be a lady tonight<3

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 06:14:35 GMT

okay, so i cannot explain how absolutely wonderful the past week has been. like, i can't.
i don't give a fuck if it sounds annoying because i've been boy switching lately, my mind is made up now. i ended things with jon because it didn't feel completely right. we started everything way too soon after nick, let alone became sexually active WAY too fast. anyway, i lost my virginity to him. i don't regret it, he's still a good guy, it's just weird. after nick happened, it lost all instrinsic value and just felt like sex to me. aaand that mind frame ruined everything we could have had. harsh? yes. but i HAVE to learn to start caring about my feelings before others, that's my biggest problem. things are back to normal now, though.

ryan alday sent me a long text message admitting to me that he liked me. i felt it for like a week before him even telling me, but refused to say anything because i was afraid i'd look dumb. but i'm glad he did. so basically, ever since, we've been hanging out every single day, falling asleep together, tickle fights, constantly laughing, blah blah blah 24/7. and basically came to the conclusion that he's like the guy version of me. and on the 4th (actually, it was the 5th; we thought the 4th sounded cooler) he asked me out and i said yes. and i feel absolutely ridiculous but SO, SO happy. he's like... perfect. such a gentleman, sweet, funny, has such an addicting personality, everything. every night with him has been like, a blessing. ...literally. it's just incredible and i feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Fri, 31 Jul 2009 19:08:42 GMT

i wish i could have consistent feelings! but no, i cannot.
and i wish i would have listened to zach that one night in my car. :|

however, i really, really, really enjoyed last night. <3

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 18:39:06 GMT

things are so weird. :|

nick and i argue so much, something we never ever used to do. it's just hard because we still miss and care about each other. i know that breaking up with him was for the best, but sometimes it's just so stressful/depressing. it's like nothing is the same anymore as dumb as it seems, not even my views about some... things. the other night i got completely shitfaced, i've never been that drunk... and i text him telling him i love him. i end up crying and puking in the bathroom, i was absolutely hysterical. and i always get texts from him telling me he misses me. i don't want them to go to my head and i'm trying really hard to be strong. i just don't want to be treated like i don't exist, that's all.

in other news, i never ever ever thought i'd start "talking" to someone so quickly after a break up, but me and jon miller are. pretty much never thought that would happen just because we didn't really talk much, but it did, and he's really sweet and supportive too. i like the way he's so honest, something i usually have bad luck with in guys. i feel like this could be something really positive in my life.

my tattoo is surprisingly really sexy, but i was going for really pretty. it comes from a french song called "sa jeunesse" that basically preaches to not waste away ones youth and to savor it. i love it, either way.

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 05:17:57 GMT

<333

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:01:27 GMT

looking back at old LJ entries, i had to bring this up

[Thursday
March 6th, 2008
9:28pm
i have a date with nicholas james on saturday<3
i bought nick a star in the andromeda galaxy

[Saturday
March 15th, 2008
7:02pm]
mood | crushed ]
shits kind of weak
nick left again. what a surprise? i have a fucking star in the universe named after him, cool

Sunday
October 7th, 2007
10:30am]
nick james texted me at 2 in the morning last night.
it meant a lot, i hope he doesn't stop talking to me out of nowhere.

[Saturday
May 5th, 2007
9:18am]
yesterday rowan, nadine and i went to cici's pizza
and i saw NICK JAMES <333333. i miss him!
he gave me the biggest, cutest hug ever. ever ever ever.
i'm pretty sure that made my weekend.

[Saturday
March 31st, 2007
2:42pm]
i'm supposed to be seeing a movie with Nick James tonight.
i miss that kid times a million zillion gillion.

[Tuesday
January 30th, 2007
8:39pm]
i'm going to start taking American History online with Nick James. he's starting to become one of my best friends, and i really love it.

[Tuesday
March 28th, 2006
8:00pm]
so i finally told nick how i still feel about him.
i guess i'll just say, he doesn't like me, but he doesn't not like me.
i'm pretty damn proud of myself for letting it out.. and i can't stop smiling.
nick is pretty much wonderful.
and so is heather hopper. she helped me get it out. i love her a lot and i missed her

[Saturday
March 11th, 2006
4:08am]
i saw nick, that was pretty depressing. i don't know why we stopped talking

not one of the plans we had above went through
where the fuck was my head this whole time?

what the fuck was i thinking?

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:11:39 GMT

why is everything so confusing right now sdiufhsjofl
why is it that i can feel completely confident about breaking up with nick and after doing it i am a complete mess? why is it that i kind of regret doing it? i'm still without him, which was my problem in the first place. this is stupid. i've never felt so indecisive. i just feel like there's no need for this to be over and that it's all one big misunderstanding. and i know that i felt shitty and missed him all the time but breaking up with him didn't really help or solve that issue. i just want to see his pretty blue eyes. that. was. the. only. thing. wrong. with. us.

what the hell

edit:
what a cute little coincidence it was to bump right into nick at the mall tonight! he was about to see a movie with some girl, how nice.
finished with dick james.

Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:07:23 GMT

if it's a bad day, you try to suffocate; another memory scarred.
if it's a bad case, then you accelerate; you're in the getaway car.

you don't care about us

if it's a bad case, you're on the rampage;
another memory scarred
you're at the wrong place, you're on the back page
you're in the getaway car

you don't care about us
you don't care about us
you don't care about us
you don't care about us

it's your age, it's my rage
it's your age, it's my rage.

you're too complicated, we should separate it.
you're just confiscating, you're exasperating.
this degeneration, mental masturbation;
think i'll leave it all behind,
save this bleeding heart of mine.

it's a matter of trust, because
you don't care about us

it's your age, it's my rage.

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 15:51:12 GMT

major NVM.

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 06:57:03 GMT

i have no idea how to do what i am about to do tomorrow without crying

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 06:16:55 GMT

today when i wasn't thinking i told my dumbass store manager that i'd work 5 days a week but only get 20 hours at work, that way the flowers won't die. ...i didn't think of the fact that it means not being able to go out much because i'll be waking up at 7am every morning. ...let alone the fact that all his clueless ass needs to do is put fucking water in buckets where flowers are on the days i'm not working. fuuuuck.

i noticed i don't belly dance as much as i used to. that's really odd since i love it so much. me and sean are gonna start riding bikes, and i'm going to start running. i'm so out of shape.

straight up, i fucking miss my boyfriend. like all the time. seeing him one day a week is not gonna cut it; saying bye to each other takes longer and longer every time we're together. the thing is, i'm so content with everything we have in the relationship, i'd just like to see it more. see him more. i have fun with him, we can talk for hours and not get bored. texting is so blah now. i'm too afraid to call him because i'm afraid i'm interrupting him or something. i want him to call me, i miss his voice. overanalysis only means one thing... it's about to be that time of month, ugh.

my coochie is fully healed, and looking fabulous with its sexy bling. everytime i get changed or whatever i look down and get stoked, bahaha.

i've been in a weird mood.

the earth is not a cold dead place when your hand is in mine <3

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 05:54:29 GMT

i never really update this thing with emotion anymore.
i'm hung over, and i feel like total shit.
i just found out my boyfriend reads this. hey nick, i love you. :)

~*iN DePtH*~
first off, things are great. i can't believe that i'm finally graduated. i just feel lighter... like a million pounds have been taken off my whole body. it's amazing.

and i really don't mind my new job so much. i work morning shifts starting at 8 AM and basically get paid to wake up and smell roses. all i do is make pretty arrangements and take care of beautiful flowers, it's kinda cute. plus, i'm actually making money. ....yessss.

i desperately need to stop eating fast food and unhealthy stuff. i know i'm not fat, but i can really feel myself gaining weight. i'm always tired, too, and that's no fun. as much as i'd like to say i'll go on a diet... i won't. i <3 cholesterol.

nick and i are absolutely amazing. if only i could describe in words how much he means to me and the way he makes me feel. every single thing about him is beautiful... everytime i even hear his voice i remember why i've put up with his bullshit and waited so long. he leaves me breathless all the time. i don't know, not even this describes how happy i am. and i don't have to worry about him leaving anymore. no long nights crying and feeling completely heartbroken. he's finally mine, and i'm finally his, and we're gonna conquer the world.

bai.

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 00:07:00 GMT

last night, i got a vertical clitoral hood piercing.
...ouch. but hot!

but ouch.

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:57:14 GMT

i just graduated. :|

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 04:44:26 GMT

best weekend everrrrr
friday i stayed home, but it was nice.
saturday, went to arielle's party, had a blast
fell asleep arm in arm with my boyfriend, nick james <3
sundayyyy, i saw matisyahu and les claypool live.

i can't even describe how content i am.
oh, and i finally have a stable, good job... i got transfered to the albertsons in oviedo, i work with flowers all day. and making good moneyyyy :]

two days till graduation, i can't believe it's here <3
i don't ever want to lose some of the amazing friendships i've made

Sun, 17 May 2009 19:49:59 GMT

prom was a night to remember, and so was afterwards kinda
i love my friends more than anything ever <333
10 days left of school,
14 days until Matisyahu,
18 days till graduation.
i am so, so excited for life.

Tue, 12 May 2009 04:16:48 GMT

what a weird ass relationship status
jk me and nick talking again.

prom is next saturday, stoked

15 days till school's out. siodjfosjdfsf